I could ask the Universe anything, but all I wanted to know was how do I hang on to this feeling forever? This is post retreat, where the topic was, "Be Nourished on Every Level by the Field," held by Blue Star Holland. Blue Star is a non-profit organization dedicated to self-transformation at every level. I'll speak more on it's impact on my life, a little later.
It has been years since I pulled a tarot card - I wanted to be able to rely on my own intuition to “answer” my burning questions from inside - but for those who know Muktabai, a long time member of Blue Star International and whom my family also lovingly calls our Dutch Grandmother Oma, pulling a card from the Universe is nothing out of the ordinary.
We could ask the Universe anything, but all I wanted to know was “How do I keep this connection to the Divine, forever?” After feeling so deeply touched by the retreat, and really like my connection to the Divine was strengthened, this was naturally on my mind- the fear of losing it.
Osho had what she called, the most “beautiful” answer, “Friendliness.” “It is as if heaven and earth are bridged by love,” the card reads, “it is the birth of a love that is truly unconditional, without expectation or demands.”
(Image courtesy of: https://oshozen-blog.jp/with-oshozen-tarot/friendliness/
The instructions were clear, “First meditate, be blissful, then much love will happen of it’s own accord.” - (Osho Tarot Guide)
“Meditate and be love,” “I could do this,” I thought, as it had been a few days since the retreat and I was still feeling the bliss and expansion in being carried by the Divine.
But I couldn’t help think of a situation that happens to us all - feeling the bliss for a few days or weeks, and then “losing” it when we get back into “ordinariness,” - our usual ways of thinking, acting, and a waning awareness of the connection to the Divine.
For many of us, when we are at an Ashram, or any place we feel connected to the Divine, and we sink into the space of growing awareness, we have every hope to carry the feeling home. We aspire to make sādhanā, or spiritual discipline, a part of our every day and to let spirituality seep into every corner of our existing in the human experience, but is this realistic for us?
What does it mean to “be” love? Or “be” connected to the Divine, it still implies that there is “doing” involved and a bridge that has to be made.
To the ego mind, that feels like a lot of “having to do.” But even in “ordinariness” I felt a spark that just won’t leave me, a place inside where fanning this flame is still possible, and was I meditating or listening to my spiritual guide Guruji when I felt this awareness? No - I was walking through a tunnel on a busy street.
It was as if time slowed down completely and I all I could do was witness. It wasn’t even something I had to “do”. Everything around me is going 100km per hour, yet the stillness that I felt inside had me totally present to myself and to everything around me. I thought, “the Divine could never leave me,” as it is in the beingness in every moment and the real observer to all that is happening.
Of course Guruji Sri Vasudeva, of Blue Star, reminds us that keeping a practice and discipline is essential to maintaining our awareness and growing it in every moment. But I also like to think of every moment as an opportunity to practice as well and a chance for the Divine to also meet us where we are.
We lose our connection when we get so deep into “doing” and accomplishing, and in our own fears of not being able to go the full distance. Sometimes our disconnect brings us to such a low, and getting that spark back takes effort and pain, and karmic experiences that force us to turn towards the Divine again- I’ve been there and wow, it’s not a place I wish to be in again.
But even in my ordinariness, I am seeing a beautiful permanent thread to the Divine, and it’s with letting go and being in the Divine flow. Let the silence be my bridge.
I still feel so carried in the Divine and nourished by the retreat and for me that is grace and I am in awe and in gratitude. I thank Blue Star for this opportunity as it's given me an avenue since I was 16-years-old to go deeper inside myself with meditation and other practices to strengthen the connection to the Divine, but I could have never imagined that it would still be beneficial, after all of these years.
You can read more about my "un-ordinary" life in Blue Star here.
How are you keeping your connection to the Divine? And did you struggle with this as well? Share your thoughts!
With love,
Sridevi
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Oh yess Sri, this makes so much sense. What I notice is that the fear of losing it can be so overwhelming that it is exactly thát fear that is getting in the way of experiencing the Divine. Trusting and relaxing in the moment of ‘not experiencing it’ instead of panicking is the first step for me to get into a little expansion again. And I always try to remember that the Guru knows exactly where we are on our Path, and how our karmic play is orchestrated. He keeps an eye on us and when we tend to stray, He will pull us back. And secondly, what became clear was that my thoughts of losing connection were due to my own judgement of what was ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ or what ‘being in connection’ should look like. I saw myself doing things which I thought couldn’t mean I was still connected. However, looking back, it all made perfect sense in my karmic play. I think trust builds over the years and I try to be a little compassionate towards myself, that it is a learning process and a continuing search☺️🙏🏻
You look radiant in the photo SriD… definitely in tune with the Divine. Staying connected has also been my desire and I find that keeping reins on the mind is key so the mantra helps as well as an openness to what is. ❤️🪷🪷